Living with MS: What I have Learned

One of the greatest gifts that God has given us is the ability to learn. We learn about ourselves, each other, our surroundings, things that have happened before we were born, things that go on thousands of miles away, about things at the farthest reaches of space, the depths of the oceans, and about the One that created us.
As with any gift learning comes in many different packages. We learn by listening, watching, touching, we learn in school (my personal least favorite by-the-way), by reading, observation. We learn through good times and through the times none of us want. When we live we learn whether it is conscience or unconscious.
Living with a chronic illness has been probably the greatest learning experience I have had in my life. In this way I really do believe that having MS has been a precious gift through which I have learned, and am learning many things.
One area that I have been learning about is being dependant on God. One of the great lies of our culture is the lie of striving to become completely independant. The idea of being dependant on someone or something for our survival, or well-being is rather repulsive to us (every time you you see a commerical with Depends, the adult under garment protection, you either laugh, or you hope to never have to wait in line at the store to purchase this item). As I have thought more and more on this subject I have come to believe that thinking we are independant people, needing nothing, having everything we need, being dependant on no one for anything is completely absurd. We need people for relationships. We need the economy to work well for our jobs. If you invest in the stock market you need to have the ceo's to be people that know what they are competent. In every area of life we are depenent one one person or another to survive.
I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am fully dependant on God for my well-being. He created the people that make the medicine that I take. He has given me people that love me to help me. He has given people the gifts of being doctors and specialists that have helped me know what I have and how to be able to live sucessfully in spite of the fact that I have a chronic illness. And that is just about living with MS. In all areas of my life I am depenant, from one perspective or another, on someone else (about the only thing I am in control of is my attitude, and even that is not always the case. I have to take meds to help me with that too).
This could be looked as a weakeness, but Paul didn't think so. Paul believed that when he was weak it provived God with the perfect opportunity to show His strength in Paul's life (2 Corinthians 12:9a). So in this case I am in good company. In this sense MS is a gift. We are all as Christians supposed to be depdant on God for all we are and all we have. Living with a chronic illness just puts it right in my face. Not that it makes it any easier, because my natural tendancy is not to want to be, much less acknowledge, the fact that I am that depenant on God. But I ultimately am and being thankful that there is a God that loves me that much is very reassuring.
Another area that I am learning about is being content with what God has given me. Usually what we mean by talking about being content with what God has given us is material stuff. Money, a house, car(s), computer, big screen tv, stereo, clothes and so on. I have not really ever been all concerned with that. God has given me the ability to be pretty content with what He has given me (entrusted me with too). The area where He continues to teach me as far as being content has to do more with the opportunities to use my gifts and abilities.
I am a teacher and speaker. I love having the gift mix to be able to make people think and to encourage (sometimes in a rather strong and in-your-face kind of way) people to live like Christians are supposed to live. Because of MS those opportunities are rare. Imagine yourself having a passion to do something and you get to act upon that passion once a week for about an hour or so. That is what it is like for me. I think and dream big. I love to know I am being used by God in a big way. I think God likes that about me, but He really has been hammering that I need to be content with the opportunities He does give me.
When we moved to North Carolina I decided to write down all the opportunities that I sensed that God was using me. In no time at all I had a page and-a-half of things that I could look at that was real ministry opportunities that God gave me to use my gifts. I remember (I have lost the list and that really bugs me because it was a time of real growth in me) things like babysitting for friends of ours so Carla could go to Bible study or Kjerstien could get some time to her herself (both women had husbands that were deployed and since I was not working I had the time to help out. I look back with awesome fondness for those hours I was able to spend with all those little ones), I was able to teach an adult Sunday school, a men's discipleship class, became a part of the men's ministry, was a part of a Bible studay, co-led a adult discipleship class with a friend of mine, took advantage of God ordained "meetings" with people. Many of these things I would have never looked at as something all that big. I would have either taken them for granted or complained that it wasn't enough. But what I learned was that this thinking was from my perspective. I came to realize that there are no such things as small things in the kingdom of God. Each person that I helped out was a way that I was being an ambassador of God. Once I looked at it this way, not to mention the list was getting large, I was quite thankful for each and every one of the opportunities God gave me. It is a lesson that has been one of the hardest to learn, but one that I am so thankful to have learned.
In reality this blog entery should be called What I Am Learning because the learning curve is somewhat steep for me and am continuing to learn more and more about myself, the people around me, and most significally God Himself. The package in which these gifts have come in some would say is harsh and there are times I would have a tendancy to agree. But what I am learning I would never want to give up, and if this was the only way for me to learn them than MS is the greatest gift I could have ever been given!