Encouragement to Keep Going

It is 10:05 a.m. this morning and I am sitting in a room with a bunch a 9th grade choir students. I am a substitute teacher, an adult with a pulse. That is what is needed and so here I am.
This is not my first substitute teaching opportunity. I have had many in the last couple of months. The money is pretty good and I don't have to extend a lot of energy, especially today as I am subing for only two hours.
I am looking at the clock and it's now 10:31 a.m. This is good for now class is half over. The students are nice and respectful for the most part, but I am a sub. There really is nothing to do except sit and make sure that no one is killing anyone else. I am thinking this is so boring and questioning is this what my life has become? Sitting in a high school choir class with nothing to do except babysit? Wow! What a life.
The class is now almost over and the student leader comes and asks if I will tell the other students that they need to pick up and put away their choir folders. She asks me because she doesn't think her peers will listen to her. So I ask them to pick up after themselves and generally speaking they do. The bells rings and I have one hour to go!
The bell tolls again and it is time for 4th period. The students shuffle in and stand in their appointed positions on the platform risers and after a little jostling, messing around, and some instructions the piano in the room stirs to life and the voices of this choir rise as one as they start practicing a song they will perform at a competition later in the spring.
I am sitting there in my chair enjoying myself. They are singing a song from Brahms and it has something to do with rising your voices to the Lord who sits on high (this by-the-way is in a secular high school).
They continue and all I can think is what a wonderful example of God loving me. Is being a substitute teacher a great job? Not really. Is it exciting. No, again I say no. Will I get rich? (Laugh with me). But as I am sitting there listening to the words I can't help but be thankful that God helps me to keep going.
I was blessed by God today and it wouldn't have happened if I had turned down the opportunity to sub today.

Who Do You Fear?

A couple of weeks ago me and two friends were talking and one of them brought up that it was a little weird to have cameras all over the church grounds the he goes to. He also said that when you enter the building you have to sign in at the front desk and get a visitors pass. On top of those things the school part of the building now has large fences that are always locked. All of these things that his church has done are for security reasons.
We live in an era of school, church, and university shootings. Because of this organizations spend a great deal of money to try and make sure that a shooting doesn't happen to them. We lived in Denver when the Columbine shootings took place. We had friends that were there that day, and had some girls from the school over to our apartment to make ribbons. Our eldest son was in kindergarten that day and the whole school that he attended was on lock down the whole day. We know first hand how tragic these things can be. And yet I wonder if the church should be different from other organizations when it comes to taking various security measures.
In Matthew 10:28 Jesus is speaking to his disciples as they are being sent out to preach and He says, "Don't fear those who kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul; rather, fear Him who is able to destroy both body and soul in Hell." Jesus knew that he was sending His disciples into areas and to people that would be hostile to them because of what they were going to be preaching. Jesus was encouring them by saying in effect get your priorities in order: don't fear people becuse they can only do so much, but God can do much more.
We no longer live in the fear of God. The website Foundations for Freedom defines the fear of God as, ..."that awesome reverence of the Lord deriving from being sensitive to His glorious, holy, and majestic Person resulting in respect and obedience." I am not sure how many Christians have a proper fear of God and one of the ways it shows is by the way we try to make ourselves feel secure. We spend an enormous amount of money and time on home security, car security, airport security, and now church security. I do believe that this shows that we are more fearful of people and what they might do to us, than of who God is.
I am not suggesting that we post signs on the roads that go past our churches or homes that say, "Come on in and kill us", but isn't it time that we draw a line in the sand and witness to the people of our communities that we will not be fearful of someone who walks in with a gun and kills our bodies? The fact of the matter is if this happens we get to go to Heaven sooner than what we thought we might.
Why do we seemingly cling to this world so much? We who are Christians, who believe in the birth, perfect life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, have an eternal home in Heaven. We have a God that loves us and will never leave us high and dry. He forgives us of our sin, He has given us a planet that we can enjoy and a universe we can explore. He provides us with water, food, clothes, and the air we breath. He has provided salvation and a Heavenly home for us. What do we have to fear?
Oliver Cromwell said, "I've learned that when you fear God, you do not have any man to fear." The community of Amish believers in Pennsylvania that were tragically made the target of a man that went on a shooting rampage a couple of years ago is the best example of Cromwell's quote. They have taken no measures to make themselves feel more secure because they fear the Lord not people. The surrounding community and many other people outside of the community don't understand this. The Amish of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania are being wittnesses to Cromwell's quote and Jesus' words. It's probably not easy for many of them, but they live without the security measures that we put too much faith in and the world has taken notice. We have a lot to learn from them.

Speeding into Sin

For Spring Break this year our family decided to go to North Carolina and visit friends. It was a very good vacation. It was busy, but I think we all got to spend some time with people that we spent so much time with when we lived there.
On the way down there, and then back home I was struck by how many people speed. I have noticed this before of course, but this time for some reason it really struck me as proof that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
There are signs posted all over the place as to what the speed limit is, and as Ted Koppel of ABC's Nightline once said about the Ten Commandments, "They are the Ten Commandments not the Ten Suggestions.". The same applies to speed limit signs, they are limits to how fast you can drive, not a speed suggestion. And yet so many people throw caution to the wind and drive much faster than what they should.
Of course there are those that know they are speeding and don't want to get caught so they buy police radar detectors. Then there are those that just don't care. But when a police car enters the scene it is amazing how many people don't even drive the speed limit, they drive a little under the speed limit.
What really amazes and saddens me is how many Christians speed. If there are people out there who should know better it's us. But I have seen many little fishes speed by just like everybody else.
I think our relationship to God (whether you actually know Him or not) and sin is a lot like speeding. There are some people that just don't care. They will cheat, lie, get drunk, do drugs, swear, steal, ect, ect. every single day and won't think anything of it. There are those people that will take a calculated risk at not getting caught at whatever activity they are involved in hoping they won't get caught. All these people are wanting is to get a little ahead, live a more exciting life, show that they are above accountability, "the rules don't apply to me!".
If you speed enough you will get caught and you will be held accountable. The faster you go they stiffer the consequence. Sin is just like that too. Though God sees sin as sin, no one sin greater than another, the consequences of some sin is greater than some others. God weeps over sin, and Satan just laughs. But even he will be held accountable one day, just as you will if you continue to speed.

Homesick for Heaven

O God, Dear God-
Thank you that you are my God. You are so great, mighty, and loving. I have no word elegant enough, no emotion deep enough, no thought pure enough, no action great enough to even begin to communicate how wonderful you are.
There are times when I feel so homesick. I long to be with you. I long to hear your voice speak to me. Will you say, "You are my son that I love. With you I am well pleased."?
I want to feel your arms enclosing around me. Then I will know what love, being warm, secure, and forgiven truly means.
When I see you what will I feel, what will I think? After all it was I that nailed you to the cross. It was I that spat on you. It was I that made fun of you, cursed you, pushed the thorns onto your head. It was I that made you bleed. You were shamed and humiliated. It was I that made you feel that way. It was I that drove the nails into you body and thrust the spear into your side. And then I tried to forget you.
You rose on Sunday, and though I tried to forget you, you remembered me. It was you who sought me out. It was you who opened my mind and touched my heart. It was you that wouldn't quit on me.
It was you that told me that you forgave me. When I heard, "I love you.", it was your voice. It was you who took my guilt and shame. It was you who took my broken and incomplete life and made it like new and complete. It was you that looked past what I looked like and into my soul and filled the empty spot.
And still I am not sure all you have done. You are so great, your ways are not mine. You are holy, and I am not. You are blameless, and I am sinful. Why you chose me I do not know, I do not understand. What is it that you see in me that makes me worthy of you?
I love you, and miss you. I want to see you, I want to touch you. I want to talk to you and sit by your side. I want to come home. I am homesick.

Question about the Emerging Church movement

Someone has asked me if I thought if the emerging church movement, like Mars Hill and Mars Hill Grand Rapids, will have any positive change in the cultural movement on Sunday mornings that I wrote about in my last blog.
My answer is yes and no. I do like the way this church model does look at ways of doing church differently. They tend to be more interactive, engaged in their communities, and very much "in tune" to what the post modern philosophy teaches and the influence it has in our society.
However, what is disappointing and concerning to me is that there is within some of the emerging church movement a walking away from traditional theological and doctrinal
Truth that the Bible clearly teaches. There are some pastors that are very open to defining who God is (Father and Son, somehow the Holy Spirit always gets left out of the discussion) and what is needed for salvation. It has become based on their own personal experiences and what the post-modern philosophy preaches: it doesn't matter who you worship, what matters is that you are a devoted spiritual and religious person. You can be a Muslim, Buddhist, New Ager, Hindu, and so on. After all, we are all really worshipping the same God, just in different ways. God does not give us that choice.
In an attempt to be relevant to culture they have compromised on Truth as written in the Bible. It is too bad. As Christians we have the Truth and we do not need to be ashamed or embarrassed about it. Instead we need to stand up for what the Truth is. We need to talk and explain the Truth in a loving and respectful manner to people that God loves and wants a relationship with. We need to communicate the Gospel in a way that glorifies God to our culture and let God take it from there.

Sunday Morning Makeover

The church as we typically know it is in a serious rut. The culture that we have been commanded to interact with so we can change it sees us as irrelevant. And those of us who are Christians complain that we are too busy to take part in many of the activities that leadership offers (whether or not we really are too busy is up for some debate. The new status symbol of the society we live in is business. Everyone, including kids, have some kind of personal calendar to prove we are busy people. Not everyone has money, but everyone can be busy).
I have come to believe that the people who make up the leadership in our churches are some of the most uncreative people that I can think of. This may be a very general statement, but I think it is true. We have been "doing church" the same way for over two hundred years, and the culture doesn't get it and even those of us in services complain too many times our services are boring - just doing the same ole' thing week after week.
Think of it, we come to church on any given Sunday morning and we sing, someone prays for a little bit (for something that we are told that is so important the time we spend in prayer on Sunday morning is inadequate at best), and then sit and listen to a lecture (we call it listening to a sermon, but any way you cut it it is a lecture), there is no interaction, and very few would be able to tell you what the sermon was about if you asked only a couple of hours later. This is what church in the United States has looked like for way too long. It has worked, for the most part this long because the cultural pressure to go to church was such that if you didn't go you were looked as like something was seriously wrong with you. But our culture no longer thinks that way. In fact, it is completely 180 degrees different. Now if you go to church you are looked at like you are kind of strange and weird. Our culture just doesn't get it. And why should they?
If you have had any problems in your marriage or know someone who has you know that sometimes it is because the marriage has become very predictable, doing the same things over and over again. This is called a relational rut. There is no spontaneity, there is nothing different in your interactions with one another, everything has become so predictable your relationship has become boring. I think that it is the same for the church. The body of believers, the bride of Christ, the light and salt of the world is in such a serious rut that many wonder if there is any real need for the church at all (maybe not here in the states, but we need just look at Europe and see how the church there is on life support and we better not be so proud to think that it can't happen here.)
The good news is that we can change, but it will mean to challenge the status quo and culture of our churches. I propose that we start rethinking how we do church on Sunday mornings. The following are some things that I have been thinking about and sharing with other like-minded Christians that are also concerned about the direction of the church.
I do not believe that we need to do away with preaching. But, I do believe that we should get away from the belief that only one person in our churches are capable of preaching. I cringe when I hear senior pastors refer to the pulpit as their pulpit. The pulpit is God's and we should never forget it. There are other men in the church that are fully capable, learned, mature Christians that can speak with clarity and passion. They should be encouraged and given the opportunity to preach. Plus you just never know, someone might be led into full-time ministry because the church gave them the opportunity to preach.
Another idea would be for pastors to invite people (men and women) who are experts in a given professional field to share their hearts with the people of the church. People that are involved in the public schools, military, the pro-life movement, a Christian environmentalist,etc. are great people to have share why they do what they do, the challenges of being a Christian in such an environment, as well as the triumphs.
How about after a sermon series have a questions and answer Sunday. Have people submit their questions as the series is going on, and then answer as many questions as possible the week right after the last sermon.
Have the church leadership encourage people to write any questions about the Bible, God, theology, doctrine for a month or so and then have the leadership (not just the senior pastor) answer them.
The fact is that we all get tired of listening to the same person week after week, after week no matter how gifted they are. And no one person should have the burden of preaching week after week. Most churches expect their pastors to preach all but very few Sundays and I believe that is wrong. Pastors are capable of doing more than just preach, but their schedules are so tight they have little time for anything else (or they become workaholics). They need breaks, they need to be able to sit and be "poured into" like we do. Pastors can also take that time they use for preparation and exercise some of their other gifts and explore some area of passion in a deeper way.
Another thing we could do is to have "in-house"service opportunities like church clean-up days on Sunday mornings. Everyone who goes to church is there anyway so take advantage of that.
We could also do community service outside the church on Sunday mornings. Have the leaders in the church find things that need to be done in the community and let them lead others in a project. Again, the people are there, they don't have to take any extra time out of their schedules, and the community gets to see our good works and we show the light and love of God in action.
Have a testimony Sunday. Encourage people to share requests, praises, and testimonies (not limited to just "This is how I became a Christian", but share something that God has been doing in their life). I have been in a large church that has over two thousand people as well as a church of slightly over one hundred people on Sunday morning do this so don't offer up excuses why it can't be done.
Have a hymn and chorus sing-along. Have people pick their favorite songs, and maybe even why they like it, then sing them. Pick out some songs and tell the stories as to why they were written. Tell the biographical stories of some of the great hymn writers of days gone by.
Have a Sunday where you do Communion like it was done in the early church- around a real meal. Do a "Brunch Sunday" and give people the opportunity to share their lives with one another while breaking bread.
These are just a few ideas of how we could do church differently from time-to-time. A lot of these ideas used to happen on a Sunday evening service, but most churches don't have them anymore because very few people came. But those that did, and I am one who grew up in a church like that, remember those days fondly. We need to become a real, intimate community of believers again. We need to share our lives with one another. We need to be the kind of body of believers that are willing to do some things differently. We need to show the culture that we are not just relevant, but the only answer to the real needs of every society and every person. We need a Sunday morning makeover.

If it's the truth...

I am sorry that it has been awhile since my last post, but I had been battling a cold bug for the last two months and it now seems as though the various has finally bit the dust. And so on I go...
I was watching TV a while ago and was impressed by a commercial because it spoke a significant truth about the culture in which we now live. The narrator says, "Instant gratification has us in a stranglehold, so much so that we don't want to fix things anymore - just replace them. Don't like your nose, get a new one. Don't like your job, get a new one. Don't like your spouse, get a new one. Whatever happened to commitment, to standing by our decisions?"
Granted, the commercial is for a car company and their "10 years/100,000 miles powertrain warranty", but in this instance the fact is they are speaking truth and we in the Christian community should applaud such frankness.
I was looking up this commercial so I could write some kind of response about it and in doing so I found another blog author writing about it also. They author's response is as follows:
"On one hand, yes, definitely, we could all be reminded of the importance of commitment, of not giving in to instant gratification. Yes, amen. But, on the other hand, who in the audience (all TV viewers) hasn't failed into this regard to some extent? And, I don't know. I like the value the message is aiming at: commitment is good. But the tone is a little too holier-than-thou, don't you think? I just find it a little irritating for some reason.
If I were on the Hyundai board deciding whether to air this commercial, I'd say no, too risky. Might alienate buyers."
It may surprise you that this author is a pastor and has a seminary degree to boot. I tried to do some research on the author - where was the degree from, what denomination do they pastor in - but I didn't find anything. But if this person is concerned about the possible offense of this commercial, even though it speaks truth, then how does one preach a gospel message that is very offensive in our culture?
As Christians we need to be careful about how we share that gospel message. If it is not done in love then I don't blame anyone for not listening. But, if we share that message with a Christ-like love and people get offended or irritated then that is too bad. I feel for them because they are throwing away the greatest gift of all time. But we should never feel ashamed of the gospel. We should always stand up for the truth of who God is and what He has done. If it's the truth...

Living with MS: What I have Learned

One of the greatest gifts that God has given us is the ability to learn. We learn about ourselves, each other, our surroundings, things that have happened before we were born, things that go on thousands of miles away, about things at the farthest reaches of space, the depths of the oceans, and about the One that created us.
As with any gift learning comes in many different packages. We learn by listening, watching, touching, we learn in school (my personal least favorite by-the-way), by reading, observation. We learn through good times and through the times none of us want. When we live we learn whether it is conscience or unconscious.
Living with a chronic illness has been probably the greatest learning experience I have had in my life. In this way I really do believe that having MS has been a precious gift through which I have learned, and am learning many things.
One area that I have been learning about is being dependant on God. One of the great lies of our culture is the lie of striving to become completely independant. The idea of being dependant on someone or something for our survival, or well-being is rather repulsive to us (every time you you see a commerical with Depends, the adult under garment protection, you either laugh, or you hope to never have to wait in line at the store to purchase this item). As I have thought more and more on this subject I have come to believe that thinking we are independant people, needing nothing, having everything we need, being dependant on no one for anything is completely absurd. We need people for relationships. We need the economy to work well for our jobs. If you invest in the stock market you need to have the ceo's to be people that know what they are competent. In every area of life we are depenent one one person or another to survive.
I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am fully dependant on God for my well-being. He created the people that make the medicine that I take. He has given me people that love me to help me. He has given people the gifts of being doctors and specialists that have helped me know what I have and how to be able to live sucessfully in spite of the fact that I have a chronic illness. And that is just about living with MS. In all areas of my life I am depenant, from one perspective or another, on someone else (about the only thing I am in control of is my attitude, and even that is not always the case. I have to take meds to help me with that too).
This could be looked as a weakeness, but Paul didn't think so. Paul believed that when he was weak it provived God with the perfect opportunity to show His strength in Paul's life (2 Corinthians 12:9a). So in this case I am in good company. In this sense MS is a gift. We are all as Christians supposed to be depdant on God for all we are and all we have. Living with a chronic illness just puts it right in my face. Not that it makes it any easier, because my natural tendancy is not to want to be, much less acknowledge, the fact that I am that depenant on God. But I ultimately am and being thankful that there is a God that loves me that much is very reassuring.
Another area that I am learning about is being content with what God has given me. Usually what we mean by talking about being content with what God has given us is material stuff. Money, a house, car(s), computer, big screen tv, stereo, clothes and so on. I have not really ever been all concerned with that. God has given me the ability to be pretty content with what He has given me (entrusted me with too). The area where He continues to teach me as far as being content has to do more with the opportunities to use my gifts and abilities.
I am a teacher and speaker. I love having the gift mix to be able to make people think and to encourage (sometimes in a rather strong and in-your-face kind of way) people to live like Christians are supposed to live. Because of MS those opportunities are rare. Imagine yourself having a passion to do something and you get to act upon that passion once a week for about an hour or so. That is what it is like for me. I think and dream big. I love to know I am being used by God in a big way. I think God likes that about me, but He really has been hammering that I need to be content with the opportunities He does give me.
When we moved to North Carolina I decided to write down all the opportunities that I sensed that God was using me. In no time at all I had a page and-a-half of things that I could look at that was real ministry opportunities that God gave me to use my gifts. I remember (I have lost the list and that really bugs me because it was a time of real growth in me) things like babysitting for friends of ours so Carla could go to Bible study or Kjerstien could get some time to her herself (both women had husbands that were deployed and since I was not working I had the time to help out. I look back with awesome fondness for those hours I was able to spend with all those little ones), I was able to teach an adult Sunday school, a men's discipleship class, became a part of the men's ministry, was a part of a Bible studay, co-led a adult discipleship class with a friend of mine, took advantage of God ordained "meetings" with people. Many of these things I would have never looked at as something all that big. I would have either taken them for granted or complained that it wasn't enough. But what I learned was that this thinking was from my perspective. I came to realize that there are no such things as small things in the kingdom of God. Each person that I helped out was a way that I was being an ambassador of God. Once I looked at it this way, not to mention the list was getting large, I was quite thankful for each and every one of the opportunities God gave me. It is a lesson that has been one of the hardest to learn, but one that I am so thankful to have learned.
In reality this blog entery should be called What I Am Learning because the learning curve is somewhat steep for me and am continuing to learn more and more about myself, the people around me, and most significally God Himself. The package in which these gifts have come in some would say is harsh and there are times I would have a tendancy to agree. But what I am learning I would never want to give up, and if this was the only way for me to learn them than MS is the greatest gift I could have ever been given!

MS and Raising Two Boys

I can't remember which of the boys said it, but one of their friends asked a question about me and me being sick (this was when we were in Washington so Andy and Alex were still little) and one of the boys said that I had MSN! If nothing else it shows the far reaching influence of Microsoft in Western Washington.
When it comes to having MS and raising children it can be a bit confusing for them. Here is their dad, almost a superhuman (as I have said the boys were young, now that Andy is a teen and Alex is not far behind the whole superhuman perception is completely gone) and he has become very sick and dad doesn't get better. Dad has lost his job, mom is rarely home because she is working two or three jobs to keep our heads above water, we are going to a new church, and now we have new friends. It had to be so confusing and scary to them both.
I say it had to be only because this is something that the boys don't talk a lot about. They were young, specially Alex, and so they don't remember a lot of details. I do know from talking to Andy at the time, and now, he just knew things had changed and that our family was different. There are so many thoughts and feelings that Nickie and I were muddling through and how the boys made it through is simply a gift of God's.
I can say that they both miss their dad that had a lot of energy and could play at any time with them. That has been brought up many times. I think that deep down at times they resent the fact that I have MS. It has changed all of our lives in a profound way. I think that they are still somewhat confused as to why they have a dad that is broken. And they, at times, are mad because they can't fix me. I will be broken until the day I die.
I do know that because I have MS they are scared that they will get it someday too (there are absolutely no evidence that shows that MS is a family disease, but the thought is going to be there anyway). My mom has gone through a battle with colon cancer (she has been cancer free for many years) and my dad has been diagnosed with Parkinson's recently so I know they are frightened they will "catch" something.
All of the above is the negative side of our situation. If that was all there was to the story it would be pretty depressing. But, by God's grace it is far from all negative. I think the biggest thing that the boys have seen is real life. In our Christian culture that sometimes doesn't want to deal with struggling we as a family have had it hit us between the eyes.
Andy and Alex has been witnesses to how God will provide for you in the midst of troubles. They know what it is like to experience peace in the middle of the storm. They have been on the front lines of watching parents that love one another and their boys when the choice could have been made to pack it all in and give up on one another. And they know what it is like to work as a team to get things done (no parent can do it all on their own anyway, but when a chronic illness enters the scene there is not a lot a pretending). In short they have struggled with life issues as Christians at a young age (both of the boys became Christians at very young ages which I am thankful for. I know that God knew what was going to happen to our family and thus made Himself known to Andy and Alex at young ages so that they would feel His love and mercy in a very real and personal way all the way through the dark days) and I believe they are better for it.